BACK TO MY ROOTS

I HAVE TOTALLY NEGLECTED MY BLOG.  IN PERFECT EMILY FASHION, I STARTED SOMETHING AND DID NOT FINISH IT.  I PARTLY BLAME MY TERRIBLE FACEBOOK ADDICTION.  IT IS CONSUMING ME! I ALSO HAVE SOME FORM OF WRITERS BLOCK.
THE OTHER NIGHT I FINALLY WATCHED THE MOVIE "JULIA AND JULIA" AND IT MADE ME MISS THE WAY I FELT WHEN I WOULD WRITE HERE.  LOVED THE MOVIE, BY THE WAY.

 I ALWAYS ENVISIONED TURNING 30 WAS GOING TO BE A BIG CELEBRATION.  THE ONLY THING I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WAS COVERING UP A FEW GREYS.   I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE OVERSHADOWED BY ALL OF THIS LOSS.  A FEW DAYS BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY I HAD A BREAKDOWN, WHEN I REALIZED PETER WOULDN'T BE THERE TO CELEBRATE WITH ME.  AND MY BIRTHDAY CAME AND WENT.  AND YES IT WAS NICE AND I AM GRATEFUL FOR THOSE WHO WERE WITH ME. BUT SOMETHING WAS MISSING.  AND IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.  AND NEEDLESS TO SAY, I WAS HOPING THE YEAR WOULD START OUT BETTER THAN LAST YEAR ENDED. AND NO. IT HAS NOT.  I HAVE BEEN TOLD IT GETS WORSE AS YOU AGE.  LOSING PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE. AND SO IT MAY BE TRUE.  BUT ALL THE SAME IT IS AWFUL.
AND LATELY I FEEL LIKE BEFORE I CAN EVEN HEAL FROM ONE LOSS, SOMEONE ELSE IS GONE.  PETER, KEITH, UNCLE JOE.  WHAT IS GOING ON? I FEEL LIKE MY SORROW IS KEEPING ME JUMPING FROM STONE TO STONE UNTIL EVENTUALLY I FALL IN THE WATER AND JUST DROWN IN IT ALL.  MAYBE THAT IS WHAT I NEED.

ONE THING I HAVE LEARNED.  LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO NOT COMPLETELY LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY IT SHOULD BE LIVED. THE WAY YOU WANT TO.  SO, THAT IS WHAT I AM GOING TO STRIVE FOR.  I AM GOING TO PURGE THE USELESS AND UGLINESS FROM MY LIFE. AND FOCUS ON WHAT I CAN DO TO MAKE THIS LIFE I HAVE CREATED THAT MUCH BETTER.  I CAN'T WASTE MY TIME OR ENERGY ON THINGS OR PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE A POSITIVE IMPACT ON MY LIFE ANYMORE.  I AM NOT SAYING THIS TO YOU, IF YOU ARE READING, WHOEVER YOU ARE.   I AM MAKING A STAND TO MYSELF. BECAUSE IT IS ABOUT TIME.