nothing but the water: 2010

Monday, November 1, 2010

REAL FRUIT

I HAVE NEVER MADE HOMEMADE CRANBERRY SAUCE BEFORE. I ALWAYS WOULD JUST BUY THE CANNED OCEANSPRAY BRAND AND THOUGHT IT WAS PERFECT. THAT IS UNTIL I HAD MY AVERSION TO HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP. WITH ONLY ONE BRAND OF ORGANIC TO CHOSE FROM AT MY LOCAL WEGMANS, I OPTED TO MAKE MY OWN. WEGMANS DID HAVE SOME ORGANIC CRANBERRIES. THEY WERE ABOUT A DOLLAR MORE THAN THE CONVENTIONAL, BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS WORTH IT

I NEVER HAVE BOUGHT ORGANIC CANE SUGAR BEFORE...IT IS SO PRETTY AND SPARKLY!!

AND IT WAS A PERFECT SETTING, COMPLETE WITH SOME PINK FLOYD ON THE PANDORA RADIO...

IT TOOK ME ALL OF 10 MINUTES UNTIL THEY STARTED POPPING! AND IT SMELLED SO SO GOOD!!

WHEN IT WAS DONE COOKING, I JUST ADDED A LITTLE LESS THAN 2 TABLESPOONS OF SUGAR. THEN I POPPED IT IN THE FRIDGE...

THEY WERE DEFINITELY NOT AS SWEET AS THE CANNED KIND, MORE TART. BUT I THINK THAT IS HOW IT SHOULD BE, THE REAL FLAVOR OF THE CRANBERRIES WAS GREAT. AND SO MUCH MORE HEALTHIER!!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

changing colors

lately i have been
spending my time thinking about
these leaves changing colors
and how vibrant the reds and oranges were
the last day
i sat next to you

the air is crisp and cool once again
my friend
and i worry you are drifting away from me

all too soon
just as the leaves fall away
and float down the river

i am hoping one becomes
frozen in that bay
like a little piece of you
that wants to stay
so when the sun comes back
and i jump into the waters
i know you are not far away

until then i know where i can find you
i saw you spending your time

standing behind your only son

in my only dream

i had of you

so i will cling close to him

like i promised to do

like a leaf that just doesn't want to fall away...

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Sun is shining. Weather is sweet. Make you wanna move your dancing feet.

ANOTHER WORK WEEK IS APPROACHING. BILLY AND I HAD A NICE QUIET WEEKEND AT HOME. DID SOME THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE THAT WE HAVE NEGLECTED BECAUSE OF TRAVELLING NORTH EVERY WEEKEND. WE WATCHED A MOVIE LAST NIGHT - COUPLES RETREAT. IT WAS REALLY FUNNY BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT MADE YOU APPRECIATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP. AND I IMMEDIATELY GOOGLED WHERE IT WAS FILMED BECAUSE IT WAS GORGEOUS AND I WANT TO GO THERE - ST REGIS IN BORA BORA. HELLO - PARADISE!! MAYBE SOMEDAY!
I HAVE ONE WEEK OF WORK AND THEN IT IS 4TH OF JULY VACATION FOR 10 DAYS. HOLLA! WE ARE RENTING A HOUSE IN TOWN FOR THE WEEK. THE CLAYTON COTTAGE, ON MERRICK ST. I AM EXCITED TO HAVE THE CONVENIENCE OF A HOUSE AND THE LOCATION IS PERFECT FOR THE WEEK. NO WORRIES OF DRIVING ANYWHERE. SOME SYRACUSE FRIENDS ARE STOPPING BY FOR A COUPLE DAYS. I LOVE 4TH OF JULY WEEKEND! ITS MY FAV!
THEN ON THE 10TH I WILL BE IN ROCHESTER TO SEE ONE OF MY GREAT FRIENDS GET MARRIED! LOOKING FORWARD TO A FUN TIME WITH GREAT FRIENDS.
SUMMER IS HERE! AND I AM GOING TO BLOG THE HELL OUT OF IT! WATCH OUT!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

JUST BREATHE (PEARL JAM)

Yes, I understand that every life must end, aw-huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw-huh,..
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands
the ones I love,..

Some folks just have one,
yeah, others, they've got none, huh-uh

Stay with me,..
Let's just breathe.

Practiced are my sins,
never gonna let me win, aw-huh,..
Under everything, just another human being, aw-huh,..
Yeh, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
to make me bleed.

Stay with me,..
You're all I see.

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean.

I wonder everyday
as I look upon your face, aw-huh,..
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, aw huh,..
Nothing you would take
Everything you gave...

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean, ah-ah...

Nothing you would take,..
Everything you gave.
Hold me till I die,..
Meet you on the other side.

BACK TO MY ROOTS

I HAVE TOTALLY NEGLECTED MY BLOG. IN PERFECT EMILY FASHION, I STARTED SOMETHING AND DID NOT FINISH IT. I PARTLY BLAME MY TERRIBLE FACEBOOK ADDICTION. IT IS CONSUMING ME! I ALSO HAVE SOME FORM OF WRITERS BLOCK.
THE OTHER NIGHT I FINALLY WATCHED THE MOVIE "JULIA AND JULIA" AND IT MADE ME MISS THE WAY I FELT WHEN I WOULD WRITE HERE. LOVED THE MOVIE, BY THE WAY.

I ALWAYS ENVISIONED TURNING 30 WAS GOING TO BE A BIG CELEBRATION. THE ONLY THING I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WAS COVERING UP A FEW GREYS. I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE OVERSHADOWED BY ALL OF THIS LOSS. A FEW DAYS BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY I HAD A BREAKDOWN, WHEN I REALIZED PETER WOULDN'T BE THERE TO CELEBRATE WITH ME. AND MY BIRTHDAY CAME AND WENT. AND YES IT WAS NICE AND I AM GRATEFUL FOR THOSE WHO WERE WITH ME. BUT SOMETHING WAS MISSING. AND IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. AND NEEDLESS TO SAY, I WAS HOPING THE YEAR WOULD START OUT BETTER THAN LAST YEAR ENDED. AND NO. IT HAS NOT. I HAVE BEEN TOLD IT GETS WORSE AS YOU AGE. LOSING PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE. AND SO IT MAY BE TRUE. BUT ALL THE SAME IT IS AWFUL.
AND LATELY I FEEL LIKE BEFORE I CAN EVEN HEAL FROM ONE LOSS, SOMEONE ELSE IS GONE. PETER, KEITH, UNCLE JOE. WHAT IS GOING ON? I FEEL LIKE MY SORROW IS KEEPING ME JUMPING FROM STONE TO STONE UNTIL EVENTUALLY I FALL IN THE WATER AND JUST DROWN IN IT ALL. MAYBE THAT IS WHAT I NEED.

ONE THING I HAVE LEARNED. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO NOT COMPLETELY LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY IT SHOULD BE LIVED. THE WAY YOU WANT TO. SO, THAT IS WHAT I AM GOING TO STRIVE FOR. I AM GOING TO PURGE THE USELESS AND UGLINESS FROM MY LIFE. AND FOCUS ON WHAT I CAN DO TO MAKE THIS LIFE I HAVE CREATED THAT MUCH BETTER. I CAN'T WASTE MY TIME OR ENERGY ON THINGS OR PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE A POSITIVE IMPACT ON MY LIFE ANYMORE. I AM NOT SAYING THIS TO YOU, IF YOU ARE READING, WHOEVER YOU ARE. I AM MAKING A STAND TO MYSELF. BECAUSE IT IS ABOUT TIME.

Monday, March 22, 2010

not today

for a while now
whenever you have
crossed my mind
i ignore the fact
that you are gone

but not today.
not today.

i finally hung you
in a frame
on my wall
as if to finally say
you are gone.

and it looks good there.
it looks good

and as i sat down
on this rainy day
to write this my music
randomly played
purple rain

and i cried.
i cried.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I was drunk last night, dear Mother I was drunk the night before But if you forgive me Mother I'll never get drunk anymore

SATURDAY NIGHT WE HUNG OUT AT DANNY'S HOUSE WITH SALLY,DAKOTA, AND HOWDY DOODY. WE PLAYED RUMMY CUBE AND DRANK SOME REDBULL AND VODKA. I THINK HOWDY HAD TOO MANY. HE WAS PASSED OUT ON THE TABLE THE NEXT MORNING!

When Louis came home to the flat, He hung up his coat and his hat, He gazed all around, but no wifey he found, So he said "where can Flossie be at?"

HERE IS A GLIMPSE INTO DANNY'S NEW HOME IN FLORISSANT, MISSOURI. IT IS SORT OF LIKE A 60'S RANCH. HE HAS DONE SOME WORK TO IT SO FAR. HIS BASEMENT IS HALF FINISHED, WITH HIS LAUNDRY ROOM. HE EVEN HAD A LAUNDRY SHUTE! SO COOL! ANYWAYS, HIS NEXT PROJECT IS TO REDO THE BASEMENT TO MAKE IT A "PLACE TO HANG"

Monday, January 4, 2010

A LITTLE DERAILED....

DUE TO THE ADDICTION OF FACEBOOK I HAVE NEGLECTED MY BLOG ENTIRELY. BUT NEEDLESS TO SAY, IT WAS A ROUGH FALL. FOR EVERYONE! AND THEN FALL TURNED INTO WINTER, CHRISTMAS CAME AND WENT AND NOW IT IS 2010! AND AS I SIT HERE THE SNOW IS FALLING, AND FALLING, AND FALLING. I STARTED MY DAY OFF LIKE MOST SYRACUSIANS AND SHOVELED MY DRIVEWAY. WHICH IS NOT REALLY SOMETHING TO COMPLAIN OR BRAG ABOUT BECAUSE IT IS THE FIRST TIME THIS WINTER I HAD TO SHOVEL, AS BILLY USUALLY DOES THAT DUTY. AND DESPITE THE FACT I DID IT THIS MORNING, HE IS MORE THAN LIKELY GOING TO HAVE TO SHOVEL WHEN HE GETS HOME FROM WORK ANYWAYS. BUT HEY, MY EFFORT SHALL BE NOTED.

THE LAST TIME I POSTED ON HERE I WAS VERY UPSET AND CONFUSED. I AND THOSE AROUND ME WERE WATCHING A GREAT FRIEND LEAVE US DAY BY DAY. AND ON A SATURDAY NIGHT IN OCTOBER, PETER LEFT US FOR A BETTER PLACE. TO ME HE WAS MORE THAN A FRIEND. HE HAD BEEN IN MY LIFE FOR THE 29 YEARS I HAVE BEEN ON THIS EARTH. WHEN I WAS YOUNG HE WOULD BABYSIT MY BROTHER AND I WHEN MOM WOULD WORK NIGHTS AT THE CLIPPER. HE WOULD BRING A NINTENDO OVER WE WOULD PLAY TETRIS UNTIL OUR THUMBS HAD CALLOUSES, WHICH I DIDNT MIND OF COURSE. I AM NOT SURE MOM WAS HAPPY THOUGH BECAUSE SHE EVENTUALLY HAD TO BUY US OUR OWN NINTENDO. PETER WOULD TAKE US SLEDDING AT BARTLETT POINT. HE WAS ALWAYS IN CHARGE OF THE CLIPPER CHRISTMAS FLOAT.

AND 16 YEARS AGO PETER'S SON, JOHN WAYNE, WAS BORN. WHEN HE WAS JUST A COUPLE WEEKS OLD JOHN WAYNE WAS AT OUR HOUSE DUE TO A FAMILY EMERGENCY. FROM THERE, THE CIRCLE CONTINUED AND I BECAME JOHN WAYNE'S PRIMARY BABYSITTER. I WAS WITH HIM NONSTOP FOR THE FIRST 5 YEARS OF HIS LIFE, AS HIS DAD WORKED AT THE CLIPPER AND EVENTUALLY, STARTED GOING TO NURSING SCHOOL. JOHN WAYNE AND I SPENT SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER I WAS "HIS EM" AND THERE WAS NO WAY AROUND IT. HE WAS THE BEST, CUTEST AND MY FAVORITE LITTLE BOY, TO THIS DAY. PETER AND BONNIE BROUGHT ME TO LAKE PLACID TO WATCH JOHN WAYNE. AND EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD FRIENDS WITH THEM THEY STILL MANAGED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A BLAST. PETER AND I TOOK A GREAT RIDE DOWN THE LUGE ON THE TOBOGGAN. I STILL CAN REMEMBER HIM YELLING ALL THE WAY DOWN, AND WE WENT FURTHER THAN ANYONE. THAT TRIP IS FOREVER IN MY HEART.

BUT AS I GREW UP, IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO GET A JOB, AND AS NATURE RAN ITS COURSE, I LANDED ONE AT THE CLIPPER. BUT THAT ONLY ENABLED ME TO WORK WITH PETER. SOMETIMES SIDE BY SIDE. AND I BELIEVE I WAS HIS PARTNER ON THE LAST DAY OF HIS EMPLOYMENT AT THE CLIPPER, MOTHER'S DAY. I REMEMBER HE KNEW HE WAS GOING TO BE OUT OF NURSING SCHOOL VERY SOON, SO HE WAS NOT REALLY INTO WAITING ON TABLES THAT DAY. NEEDLESS TO SAY, THE WORD "WHATEVER" WAS DROPPED MORE THAN A FEW TIMES. I WILL NEVER FORGET WHEN HE DRESSED UP AS AUNT MITZI FOR HALLOWEEN, WINE STAIN ON THE CHEST AND ALL. AND I ALWAYS LOOKED FORWARD TO "THE WORD OF THE DAY" LOCATED IN THE SERVICE BAR. AND WHEN MELINDA AND I WERE DOING SALADS IN THE KITCHEN, PETER'S FACE WOULD ALWAYS APPEAR IN THE WINDOW OF THE DOOR TO THE WAITRESS STATION 4. AND SIT THERE UNTIL HE WAS NOTICED. WHEN I WAS PREPPING DURING THE DAY, I WOULD ALWAYS KNOW PETER WOULD COME IN FOR A CUP OF MORNING COFFEE, BECAUSE WHY WOULD HE MAKE HIS OWN WHEN THE BEST CUP OF COFFEE IN TOWN WAS RIGHT NEXT DOOR FOR FREE?

AS PETER WENT ON TO NURSING, AND I BECAME OLDER, AND OF AGE, PETER AND I WOULD HANG OUT AS FRIENDS, EITHER AT POTTER'S BEACH OR THE LOCAL WATERING HOLES. WE HAD A FEW ROAD TRIPS TOGETHER THAT ARE CERTAINLY MEMORABLE. AND THE TWO OF US TOOK AN EARLY SPRING BOAT RIDE TO GRINDSTONE, DRIVING ALL OVER THE ISLANDS ON 4 WHEELERS, VISITING URCH AND HARRY AND A DESERTED POTTER'S BEACH. AT THIS POINT IN OUR LIVES WE TALKED TO EACH OTHER ABOUT EVERYTHING. I ALWAYS KNEW I COULD TELL PETER ANYTHING, AND HE WOULD EITHER LAUGH OR GIVE ME SOME SORT OF ADVICE. AND PETER DIDN'T HIDE A THING FROM ME EITHER. HE TOLD ME LIKE IT IS. BRUTALLY HONEST AND INSIGHTFUL. HE EVEN MADE A POINT TO STOP AT OUR NEW HOME IN SYRACUSE ON HIS WAY TO ALBANY. IT MAY SEEM LIKE A LITTLE THING, BUT I AM GLAD HE GOT TO SEE THIS PART OF MY LIFE.

2 YEARS AGO I BECAME ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED. I ASKED MY GIRLFRIENDS TO BE MY BRIDESMAIDS. BUT I ALSO ASKED PETER TO STAND UP WITH ME. I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYONE ELSE WHO HAS BEEN WITH ME FOR MORE THINGS IN MY LIFE THAN HIM. HE HAS BEEN TO SO MANY BIRTHDAYS, CHRISTMAS PARADE PARTIES, MY GRADUATION. I DONT THINK HE MISSED A BEAT IN MY LIFE. AND HE, OF COURSE, WAS MORE THAN HAPPY TO SAY YES.

IN MY LIFE, PETER WAS MY FRIEND, A FATHER FIGURE, SOMEONE TO LAUGH WITH, SOMEONE I LOOKED UP TO, AND SOMEONE THAT I KNOW I WILL NEVER FORGET.

WHEN I STARTED THIS BLOG I HAD NO INTENTIONS OF WRITING THIS, IT JUST STARTED POURING OUT.