i must go away, wait for me here, silently stay, and don't ask me why, only believe, this is not goodbye

"Light on my Shoulder" by susie suh

"It's easier to fall and harder to stand

It's easier to cry and harder to laugh,

And I don’t know how, I don’t know why

But you’re the light on my shoulder

When I'm tired

It's easier to run and harder to be still

It's easier to think and harder to feel,

And I don’t know how, I don’t know why

But you’re the light on my shoulder

When I'm tired

It's easier to hide and harder to trust

It's easier to hate and harder to love

And I don’t know how, I don’t know anything

But you’re the temper in my voice

When I sing"

i dont need to prove

anything

i dont need to be in the room

for you to know

how i feel

i dont need to stare

at your empty chair

for validation

that you want me there

i dont need to pretend

to smile at them

for you to feel

ok

all i need to do

is write

and get it all out

on the page

for you to see

me

and i have,

and i do,

and i will

and you know

and thats all that matters

white meat, dark meat, you just cant lose, i fell of my moped and i got a bruise.....

and the traditions continue. i started the thanksgiving day off with the ceremoniously cinnamon buns that mom has always made ever since i was born. i could start tasting the sweet little bundles the night before...of course i had to keep some of them un-frosted for billy's lack of a sweet tooth. but i didnt mind, that just meant extra icing for me...i made a turkey breast this year. it was from plainville farms, which meant there were no hormones or other crappy fillers and the turkeys were free range and not stuck in a cage. and i seasoned it with fresh sage, thyme, rosemary lemon and of course lots of butter. this was my first attempt at a real thanksgivin-y turkey. last year i cheated and did the roast - in a - bag method, which will never again occur after this year's triumphant feast. and what thanksgiving would be complete without the famous turkey plate of grandma phyllis's. this plate is the meaning of all holiday tradition for me. and it is proudly on display in my dining room.the most delicious turkey in the history of thanksgiving

can you tell i am proud of the turkey????

hope everyone had a great thanksgiving!!

winter night visitor

winter night visitor

we spent a second together

in the dark deep freeze of the night

only the sun was shining bright

and the river was flowing warm

i felt the summer breeze on my face

and your smile in my heart

as i took the wheel of the resurrected boat, shiny turquoise and white

gleaming in the sunshine

and pointed the bow towards Bathtub Bay

and as we took a spin around Rusho

i could see the entirety of the tree line

and the lily pads floating

as we were alone together in our own moment of sunshiny glory

we spent a second together

in the dark deep freeze of the night

only the sun was shining bright

and the river was flowing warm

i never could truly see your face

but my heart tells me you were there

was a long and dark december, from the rooftops i remember there was snow, white snow

this was the scene yesterday from the window at the office. the drive home was awful!! i think we got a couple feet from around noon till 4pm. thank god i just had new tires put on my car the day before!!and this was billy's get up this morning as he went outside to shovel/snow blow. this is our first winter with the luxury of a snow blower. one of his co workers sold it to him. his wife cut of her finger in it last winter. needless to say, billy got a really good deal on it. i have never even gone near it nor will i attempt to. it's like the christine of snow blowers!!!!

ok, ok. so i know its not thanksgiving yet. i realize this. but, i ordered this tree and i had to put it together to see if it looked decent, since i am partial to real trees. but since we are mostly in clayton for the holidays i didnt want the hassle of the real deal. so, upon assembling the tree, i said i may as well just do it up and decorate it. so, here we are. i have my FIRST tree. the last couple of years i just threw a string of lights and some decoration on a fake house plant/tree. but i decided that the custom was not going to fly. especially since i am hosting the karpel kristmas this year.

i decided to dabble in candle making as well as soap. this is my first attempt. it is a soy candle and the fragrance is called "home for the holidays" i hope it pans out. it is supposed to be green but it looks black in the picture. it smells yummy!! i recycled a salad dressing jar for the trial run!! but i am planning on getting some real candle jars for the rest. i also got 2 other christmas scents and two different shades of red for the colors. is there a business venture in my future filled with soap and candles? hmm, perhaps...

the river

The warm summer breeze

begins to drift over the water.

Sitting on the point

overlooking the river.

One last boat is going home

after a hot, carefree day.

The distant hum of the engine

reaches my ears,

Blending in with the rush of water against the rocks,

Summer's own mesmerizing soundtrack.

I dip my foot in,feeling the chill embrace

My bare foot,with it's many tan lines

from my favorite worn out flops.

On the small shoal

in the distance I can see

the silhouette of the blue heron,
Black against the setting sun's rainbow.

Pink, orange, purple and red

fill the spaces in between

Each tiny island

as the sun slowly

Descends,and darkness

Is out to play.

i get a liittle warm in my heart when i think of winter

no sooner did i post pics from summer and i look out my window and its snowing!!! winter is here! yikes!!

meet me in the summertime, we can move the air..meet me in the summertime, i will see you there!!

these are pictures that bogie just emailed me today. i have been hounding him since june? for them. and seeing them now makes me miss summer!!! billy and i on our way to potter's

thomas and i posing

billy catching a beer!!

the three of us having fun

crazy group shot!!

nice group shot!!

porch party!!!

bazzy and i posing like charlie's angels. if i remember correctly, i think we said something like bogie was charlie...

my favorite picture of the summer!!!! i miss you summmer!!

stuck on you, i've got this feeling down deep in my soul that i just can't lose

i went to clayton thursday and friday so i could babysit noah friday. we spent all day together. he is a very entertaining little person. we went for a walk since it was sooo nice out. when we got downtown he freaked out because he saw the river. he screamed in his little boston accent(not sure where it comes from, he doesn't say his r's or l's quite yet) "the wiva emmy!! the wiva is bue!!" which translates to the river emmy! the river is blue!! i love it when little kids cant say their r's or l's. its so flippin cute!!! noah is actually posing for me here. and saying cheese. but he didnt sit still long enough for me to get another shot... i couldn't resist this pic of fawn, the boxer, and olie, the great dane. they once shared a kennel, back when olie was just a puppy. so they still always sleep with each other even though they know have basically a whole house. its love, what can you say....

home, to a new and a shiny place, make our bed, and we'll say our grace.....

in between football this weekend, billy started refinishing a little table that belonged to my grandfather. it was his candy drawer, so i may have to keep with the tradition. i don't think it will be a hard task.... if anyone has any furniture to be refinished it looks like i know a good place to start....billy has a new hobby.

witches, wet t-shirts, and sarah palin's baby....

here are some more halloween pictures. these are our "before" pics! myself, bobby and catie...

john and catie... aunt sally, bobby and catie...

bobby and catie

aunt sally, dylan (the blind ref), wyatt (the ghost rider) and noah (tigger)

tom, the scary clown...yikes. i had to sit next to him when we played cards. he kept winking at me. scary scary!!

mom and aunt sally with their co-workers...

catie the witch and john the wet t-shirt contest winner...can't blame them there!!
bobby and julie
chris, the host. he was a football player.



john, holding sarah palin's baby. she was there too but i don't have a picture. her advisor said it would not be wise, considering the crowd.

and finally, myself, the rock star midget. i was hangin with sarah palin's baby too. her baby loves all minorities, even the little people.

fun with noah

part of my weekend consisted of hanging out with noah, my cousin catie's 2 year old. we hung out all day saturday, just the two of us and uncle bobby, of course. we played outside, colored and then he took a 4 hour nap, wiped out by all of the excitement of the night before, i am sure. i had to wake the little guy up!

friday i was in clayton and i decided it would be fun to go trick or treating with the kids and john, catie and bobby. it was fun walking down the familiar streets like when i was a kid. and noah was so cute to watch. he said "trick or treat", "thank you" and "happy halloween" at every door, and sometimes even went right inside and made himself comfortable! on the way back home he was pretty tired so he rode on my shoulders all the way back and we chatted about pumpkins, snow and he counted to 13.

it was a great time with him and i am glad we got to hang out together!