it's ok

it's coming on a year
since you have been gone
and although i miss you
it's ok, it's ok

time is a blessing
to pass so gently
i can feel the healing
with each tear that
doesn't flow
and it's ok, it's ok

with my little dreams
i am sure i still see you
every once in a while
if that is all we have now
it's ok, it's ok

it is coming on a year
since losing you
but we all know
that all is not lost
we are just tucked away
in a different place
for you and i to find
each other

and we are ok,
we are ok

it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me, and i'm feeling good

so it is mid winter. we have both been sick sick sick. hopefully it is all behind us. i have lysoled and clorox wiped every touchable surface in our home. and i have the saving grace of antibiotics running through my veins. i have not been this ill this frequently in my whole life?!

last weekend we decided that since we still have dibs on the opera house september 12th that we are going to stick with the plan and get married this year. i don't think i enjoyed the idea of putting it off AGAIN. all of my plans and ideas are already in my brain. it is just all about executing them. so 7 months to go. time to lose some weight and grow out my hair! woo-hoo! who wants to go dress shopping? i do! i do!

my cold that will not go away

it is a rainy afternoon in February
and i have a cold that will not go away.
i finally saw the doctor today
and had to say the words
"both my mother's parents are gone"
out loud.
and i don't know if it was
a combination lack of sleep
and feeling like crap
that made me almost burst
into tears
but it took a lot
to hold it back in front of
the nurse that i
don't even know
and will probably never see
again.

pink carnations, it's still hard to remember and familiar faces

i have been in a creative blahness for a while. so i decided to post a few older poems i wrote throughout the years. i am sure you will find they all have a similair theme...




pink carnations (her favorite)


you brought me flowers
for my runny nose
mostly carnations - pink
you gave me tissues
for my runny nose
your hands soft and sparkling
with all your jewels
(mom has one now)
you always reassured me
that i was loved
when my tears gave me a runny nose
and i was okay

now i bring you flowers
mostly carnations - pink
i gave him tissues
for his runny nose
as he gently held your hand
(he loves you)
faces i see
reassure me
that you were proud -
that i was loved
as my tears give me
a runny nose
and i am okay
11/06/1999


it's still hard to remember

i've tried to forget you
so i won't feel the pain.
honestly, i never have taken it all in.
i never said goodbye.
even if i did
i still would feel
this void, this emptiness.
it's strange, you know, losing someone forever.
sometimes i forget
that you are gone.
maybe because you really
remain with us.
you know, he's really happy again.
and it fills me with a certain
calmness and warmth
to know that.
i know she is not you.
there will never be anyone
to fill the spaces
which you left behind.
i hope you know that he is okay.
i hope you are so happy
wherever you are, that you are young and dancing
like you used to.
i hope you remember us.
we have not forgotten you,
how can you forget love?
04/12/2001

familiar faces

on the day you were taken from us
you were talking to paul -
revealing how handsome he appeared
to those who could not see him -
i know now he was here to guide you -
to carry you home.

years later, arlene had lost her way -
when you found her she was alone
and cold in the snow.
you erased her confusion
and warmed her soul -
as she followed you away from this place.

the moment howard was leaving his bed
your arms lifted him up -
he smiled and said "hey
i used to know your face" -
he held your warm hand
as you lead him toward grace.

lastnight you visited once again -
this time it was your sisterly love -
theresa was ready for you to come -
as she walked toward you to finally embrace -
she noticed standing behind was bob -
now the three of you walk
together once more.

the circle is almost complete
however there is still someone here
you are waiting to meet -
i know he is the one
you love the most -
this may seem selfish to some
but we are not ready to let him go

i know there is a reason why he is still here -
it is your love for us which allows you to spare his soul -
sometimes i see you shining in his eyes -
living through him to see us all grow.
so when you arrive to carry him away
please let us know
for his passing will be the greatest loss
for all of us to let go.
12/29/2004